My best friend posted the above image on my wall a few days ago. I had just told her about the (literal) worst thing that has ever happened in my life: my partner and fiance of eight years had left me in November, and I had just found out that he had (officially) started dating one of my closest friends less than two months later. By text message. In the middle of a Wednesday while I was at work.
I have never felt that kind of betrayal, rage, sadness, and madness in my life. I stopped sleeping, eating, and had to be reminded to breathe. My brain would ruminate on thoughts of them together, of what I want to say (but never will), and spiraled into the age-old break-up question: What is wrong with me? During the initial breakup in November, I decided to not tell many people about him leaving. I didn't like the idea of being pitied...or even taken care of. I didn't want to ask my friends to choose sides or put them in an awkward position. I promised my ex to keep a lot to myself to protect his friendships, because of course I still love and care about his well-being, and I don't want him to be isolated. Fast forward to the I'm-dating-your-close-friend text message. I lost my mind, and I needed support ASAP. I reached out to my closest friends and co-workers, who immediately showed up for me. They brought food and wine, allowed me to vent, checked-in with my everyday, researched ways to help me sleep...and everything in between. I was (and still am) unbelievably grateful for them. But I still kept it to my close friends...until they made it public on Facebook, relationship status, cute photos and all. I broke down. Again. Seeing her laughing into his shoulder was agonizing. It felt like every time I started to process and move forward, something new would bring me down. It was like I had been drowning and come up for air, only to be pulled down by the current again. I want to swim to shore, take a few deep breaths, appreciate my journey, and walk away. That's why I created this 30 Day Post-Breakup Challenge below. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 30 Day Post-Breakup Challenge ♡ Block/Unfriend them on social media. ♡ Make a list of things you’ll miss/NOT miss about them. ♡ Hide/Pack away photos & mementos. ♡ Burn, Purge, Donate, Cleanse. ♡ Go out with the girls. ♡ Flirt with someone new. Have fun. Feel no remorse. ♡ Take yourself out on a date. ♡ Travel somewhere new. (Part I & Part II) ♡ Buy clothing that increases confidence. ♡ Buy some sexy undies. ♡ Rearrange your space. ♡ Do something nice for someone else. ♡ Do a cliché break-up move. ♡ Make a list of future relationship goals. ♡ Write a letter to yourself. Open it in a year. ♡ Ask someone to write you a letter about a favorite memory. Read it when you can’t stop thinking about your ex. ♡ Buy the thing. ♡ Do the thing you gave up. ♡ Create a gratitude list. Continue adding. ♡ Create a playlist. Sing loud. Dance hard. ♡ Make an “Empowerment Move.” ♡ Do a photoshoot. Change your profile pic. ♡ Do something your ex never wanted to do. ♡ Try a new workout—something high intensity. ♡ Go to a wreck room. ♡ Ask and/or accept the help of someone. ♡ Create something. Start a new project. ♡ Spend time with someone outside of your usual circle of friends. ♡ Start reading an empowering book! ♡ Do something to commemorate the relationship, the breakup, and your strength & resiliency. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As a Social Worker, I understand the need to feel our emotions, process our grief and trauma, and rebuild. So, during the challenge, there are activities that will help me (and maybe even you!) do all of these things. I will be documenting my journey here to provide you with ideas, inspiration, hope, a few laughs, and support. And if I'm being totally honest, it provides a space of accountability on my part. I need to complete this challenge, and making it public will push me to do so. Finally, if you decide to do this challenge yourself at some point, remember this: Healing is not linear. That means that one day you may feel amazing and confident in your healing and the next you may find it impossible to leave your bed. Remember that this is a normal part of healing. Nothing is wrong with you. Be kind to yourself as you go through this journey. If this challenge takes you (or me!) longer than 30 days, don't worry and don't give up. This is also why the activities aren't numbered--each day you will feel a little different, and you are the expert of your life. Choose what is best for you that day. Thank you for following me in this journey. I know it will be full of ups and downs and inbetweens, and I'm grateful for your support moving forward. All the love, Farrah ♥
5 Comments
Erin
1/18/2018 03:18:57 pm
YES!! I love this and you <3 You are such an incredibly strong woman and I am honored to call you my friend :)
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Laura Conrad
1/18/2018 09:23:32 pm
Beautifully written.
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Breanna
1/19/2018 07:19:31 am
Farrah, this is full of such great ideas and speaks volumes about the wise way you choose to live your life. I am so sorry that he did this unspeakably awful and painful act to you!!! Of all the people in this world you truly are one if the very kindest, most loving, generous, and thoughtful women I've met. You did not deserve this (nor does anyone). I cannot believe his selfish actions and cruelty towards you after all your years together and all the love you gave him. Again, I am terribly sorry!
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Ann
1/19/2018 11:46:43 am
First I’m sorry this happened to you! You are a beautiful, kind, intelligent young woman. It has been a joy to watch you grow into the amazing independent strong person you are today! On a bad day, reach out to your friends & family. Write in a journal. Be sure to take care of yourself! And.... throw all his stuff away!
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Tabby
1/19/2018 04:41:45 pm
Farrah, I'm so sorry that this all happened to you, and I'm glad you're taking the time to take care of yourself to heal. I might actually do something similar to this challenge because I went through a year-long breakup thing that caused me extreme anxiety and depression, along with severe insomnia from thinking that it was all my fault.
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