Day Sixteen: Do something nice for someone else.I like to think that I tend to do something nice for others pretty regularly, both in my personal and professional life. My father instilled in me the importance of ensuring that others feel appreciated and to never take those around you for granted. He reminded me of the importance of telling people you love them, and to tell them often.
I've been at the lowest point in my life in the last few months. It has felt like absolute rock bottom down here. I know I haven't done my best at ensuring that the people around me feel loved. I have taken a lot from others during this--time, energy, love, support...and in large quantities or in many visits. And they haven't asked anything in return from me. They have sat with me for hours when I cry or yell or just can't be alone and have "shushed" me when I try to thank them or ask them what I can do for them. They have been selfless and I am forever grateful. Most of these generous people have been in my life for a long time: Nate, Sarah, Jesse, Steven, Courtney, Nikki, Ben... I can't thank y'all enough for all that you've done for me during what has been the most traumatic experience of my life thus far. I love you to pieces. Thank you for continuing to love and support me. Thank you for your unending friendship and patience. Thank you for continuing to show up for me and proving me wrong when I say "I can't trust anyone in my life anymore." You give me hope that I can learn to love and trust again. And then there are four ladies that haven't been in my life for very long: Caitlin, Erin, Abby, and Marisa. These ladies are my coworkers and therapists at PAAR. And I wanted to do something nice for them specifically. You see, these ladies came into my life on October 30--my first day of work at PAAR. My ex broke up with me on November 11. I think I mentioned this before, but at first, I didn't tell anyone in my life that my ex had left me. I didn't want to be pitied. I didn't want to explain everything a million times. But mostly, if I told the important people in my life that my ex had left me, it would make it real. So, a few days after it happened, I needed to tell someone, but I didn't want to tell my friends or family or Facebook. Instead, I blurted it out to these ladies. They barely knew my name or where my office was located. We had literally known one other for two weeks. But, it didn't matter. They listened and held space for me to grieve. They gave hugs and asked how I was doing regularly. They tricked me into getting out of the office (french fries, Erin?) or to go on walks (post office runs definitely need two people). They gave me coffee or smelly things or stress putty or fluffy llama pillows to ground me at work. Then my ex told me he was dating my close friend. I spiraled. Again, they stepped up. They got me out for dinner or lunch or drinks. They were awake at 3am when I was ruminating and thought I was going crazy. When I complained about not wanting to go to therapy (p.s. if you don't want to go that means you definitely need to go), they would encourage me to get my ass out the door. They sent me funny gifs. We went to events and chatted about books and I met their pets. We laughed a lot and they let me cry a lot. They provided the kind of insight and non-judgment that comes with having therapist friends. To most people, this sounds like a normal friendship. And you're right--it is. But it's additionally special to me because none of them had to do this for me. Not one of these beautiful ladies knew anything about me. We didn't have that foundation of similar interests and fun excursions and years of hanging out. But that didn't matter. All four of them embraced me in ways that I never imagined would happen. They did all the things that a lifelong bestie does--without any of that history. And they still haven't left. They never get annoyed when I talk about the breakup or how I'm feeling. They still want to hang out with me. They remind me of my strength and resiliency on a daily basis. Their wit and confidence and insight make my life richer. I had no idea that when I accepted my job at PAAR that I would find friendships like these. So, to honor these ladies and our new (but somehow crazy strong) friendships, I gifted them with what I like to call "grownup friendship bracelets." Each of them have the coordinates of where our tribe began: PAAR. At a time where I felt like I was floating and learning how I fit into all of my old friend groups, I also found a new group: one that has never known me with my ex. And there is something powerful in that. Thank you again to everyone who has been supporting me through my healing. I promise to be there for you if you ever need anything, and I promise to do better at showing you just how grateful I am for you. Always, Farrah ♥
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