Day Four: Make an "Empowerment Move."My flight to Vegas was delayed for a few hours due to the impending ice storm in Pittsburgh and the lack of flight attendants due to so many cancelled arrival flights. During this time, I started writing the 30 Day Challenge. When I got to Vegas, I asked Nikki (who has gone through her fair share of shitty breakups) what she did to move on, learn to trust another human (her current boyfriend, Chris, is a lovely guy with a great sense of humor), and regain confidence in herself. She jumped right into the story about her ex and the globe bar.
Nikki had been previously married and living in Australia with her husband when they decided to get divorced. It was...not pretty...to say the least. When she was packing to move back to the United States, she realized just how much she had to leave behind. He was going to benefit from the divorce with so much physical stuff after being a total ass. One of her favorite things--her globe bar--was too big to try to take back with her, until her ex made a comment about him getting to "keep that, too, since it wouldn't fit in her suitcase." This just pushed Nikki over the edge. So, you know what she did? She freakin' took it back. She took the bar, disassembled it into smaller pieces, packed it in a giant box--and with some financial help from a backpacker friend--placed about a billion stamps on that box and shipped it back home to Boston. How badass is that? She recently told me, "He was so pissed! ...it still fuels me." Nikki regained her power and control in that moment. She stood up for herself and took back what was hers. She pulled an "Empowerment Move" that marked a new beginning for her after such a dark and difficult part of her life. When Nikki told me that story, she added, "You need to pull some kind of similar move." I told her I had no idea what that would be. It didn't feel specific enough to include on the list. She told me, "Trust me, Farrah. It'll hit you one day. And it will make a significant change for you." I had no idea that move would be the same weekend I would be with her. At this point, my ex and his new girlfriend had been "out" for a little while. People had been dancing around the subject with me--they would message me to "see what I was up to" or "how I was doing." I was sick of it, and I felt like I had waited until the appropriate time to make a semi-public statement about what had been happening. So, after a drink and a cool photo booth in a locals bar in downtown Vegas, I posted the following with that photo on Facebook: "When your partner of eight years leaves you and almost immediately starts dating on of your best friends, you go to Vegas." Before I hit post, my hands were shaking. They were sweaty. This was it, and I had no idea how people would react. I was terrified that I would be met with, "why did you make this public?" or "how can you say something so mean?" My ex is charasmatic. He's funny and brilliant in the world of theatre. He knows a lot of people and I always followed in his shadow. He had so many friends and I often felt like I didn't have a name, but that I was "his girlfriend/fiancee/partner." It turns out I was wrong. I had such an outpouring of support and love, I was absolutely shocked. People I hadn't spoken to in ages asked what they could do to help. One lovely lady, Catherine, Venmoe-ed (is that a word?) me money so she could virtually buy me a drink while I was in Vegas. And, in that moment, with my phone blowing up with texts and Facebook messages and comments, I felt a shift. A change in confidence. I felt validation of my feelings and that I wasn't, in fact, crazy. That this wasn't my fault*. I was (and always had been) an individual with my own strengths and weaknesses and personality and goals and fears and dreams--and people loved me for who I was, not who I was with. This was a huge revelation for me. I was worthy of love. I am worthy of love. So, to be fair, this item was checked off the list before I even started this blog, but I agree with Nikki: it made a significant change and I want to share it with you. It was the start of a newer, stronger me. One that breathed a sigh of relief, suddenly had a schedule full of meet-ups with people I had long lost touch with, and had a small sense of hope for the future. Looking ahead in love, Farrah ♥ *I'm not saying I never did anything wrong, or that my ex was entirely at fault, or that we never had our issues. But this specific scenario--him moving on to one of my best friends so quickly--was not on me.
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