Day Fourteen: Create something. Start a new project.I love painting. If you know me, you know that any time someone asks, "If you could have any skill in the world, what would it be?" I always answer that I wish I could paint (sometimes I answer with the skill to be fluent in numerous languages, but I digress...) I have been wanting to do Painting with a Twist for a long time now (years, actually), but never had the opportunity. Or, a more honest answer is that I never made it a priority and no one was really interested in going with me. So when I asked my coworker friends (Abby, Erin, and Marisa from front to back in the photo) if they would be interested, I was excited when they loved the idea and signed up with me immediately. I didn't realize just how badly I needed that creative space. All of my art supplies are still in NYC, so I haven't had the opportunity to really create any kind of art since I moved to Pittsburgh in October. Sitting down with a paint brush and just going with the flow felt almost...freeing? I was in a judgement-free zone, with an instructor that would give me helpful feedback and next steps, singing to music and acting silly with my friends. I clearly remember the feeling of picking up the paint brush and starting the blue/green background of my painting. Mixing the paint, swirling it on the canvas, tapping to create texture...it felt good. I remember looking over at Erin and saying, "I had no idea just how badly I needed this." For two hours I focused on my creative process and enjoying that time with my friends. My ex and my crazy life situation (it has been a super rough two weeks, y'all) all kind of melted away and I was fully in the present. I was being mindful for the first time in a long time. Without knowing it, I focused on the feel of the brush in my hand, the sound of the music and the laughter of my ladies, the brightness of the colors in front of me... I was fully in the moment; I was breathing; I was enjoying myself; I was fully me. The last few weeks, I have not been present in my life. I have had a lot of crisis on top of trying to heal from this breakup and the loss of a friend. I know that my mind has been other places, including when I was in Iceland, and it has been very difficult for me to bring it back to the present. I am a dissociater, and usually I am pretty good at being aware of when my brain is pulling me into a dissociative state. However, recently, I haven't even noticed slipping into these states until a friend or coworker snaps me back to reality.
Creating this Happy Sloth painting was grounding for me. And I needed it more than I realized. I felt peace for the first time in a long time. Sometimes, going back to those old passions--the ones that you gave up for someone else or because you were too busy or because you thought you weren't good enough--is the thing that can remind you of your roots. It can remind you of who you are. Apparently, for me, I'm a smiling sloth with a flower crown. And I'm not mad about it. With hands and heart covered in paint, Farrah ♥
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